Homo Ono

I'm on hiatus

2009-03-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile listen to this:

Towa Tei - Mind Wall

I Want to Be Evil

2008-12-29T03:11:00.000-08:00

Scratching

2008-12-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

If you google image my real name this is one of the photos you get on page 1:

Is it supposed to be my bedpost or am I one of the marks?

(And yes, I had a completely legitimate reason for google imaging myself.)

Cancel Out Your Neighbors

2008-10-31T04:28:00.001-07:00

Not Photoshopped

2008-09-17T19:26:00.002-07:00

The Soundtrack to Me

2008-08-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

Stereolab- Fluorescenses

Stereolab- Miss Modular

What better to play on my birthday?

...to me

2008-08-15T03:48:00.001-07:00

The National - Apartment Story

2008-08-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

I agree but when I post this on line does it make a noise?

2008-08-08T04:13:00.000-07:00

"As a normative way of socializing for gay men, online cruising is a disaster. We need to recognize its effects -- including its tendency to isolate us, encourage objectification, and diminish our sense of life’s nonsexual possibilities -- as disasters. We need to recognize that too many of us, too much of the time, are cruising online because it is easier and feels safer than thinking about the love we are missing and the power we do not have. Too many of us, too much of the time, are cruising online because it’s easier and feels safer than mustering the courage, patience, discipline, and imagination required to help ourselves and each other become the men that, in our strongest moments, we want to be.

"Gary Cohan, a physician who treats half of A-list gay Hollywood, says we have to start thinking in a deliberate way about what normal social interaction consists of. “For a long time,” Cohan says, “it has been considered normal to be on the Net. We need to start thinking, That’s not normal.”

"We need to put our heads together and try to figure out what we want normative social life to look like. Whatever the answer turns out to be, it will involve creating social structures that serve and gratify our desire to have sex with each other and also promote and support the possibility of developing and sustaining intimate relationships. Gay men came close to the goal of building such a society when they were hit with the plague of AIDS. That generation learned the rewards of sacrifice and of setting limits on the place of sex in our culture. But to those of us who were children or teenagers during the epidemic, AIDS made coming out so scary that we preferred to avoid getting too involved in our gay forefathers’ world.

"And along came the Internet, a tool that let us build gay lives without having to get very involved with older people -- not that, if we’d wanted to, there were a whole lot of them still living. Now, though, it seems our avoidance has created a different kind of society, more isolating, more brutal, and weaker. We still don’t know how to have enduring relationships. We still don’t have examples. We still don’t have mentors. We still don’t have courtship rituals. We are still getting HIV.

"We celebrate the fact that we’re out to the straight world, even though the only thing that means, in many cases, is that they know we’re gay.

"When we logged on, I don’t think most of us realized we were creating new secret lives. I don’t think we knew what we were getting into. But we got into it. For most of us, this is not working. And if it’s not working for you, then it’s time to get off."
- Michael Joseph Gross, in an Out Magazine story titled Has Manhunt Destroyed Gay Culture?

via Joe.My.God

joemygod.blogspot.com

Situation resolved

2008-08-01T04:57:00.000-07:00

Sort of.
No more sad Tuesdays.

Song for a Sad Tuesday

2008-07-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

Okkervil River- No Key, No Plan

My long absence from this spot was because of....
you've already guessed it
...work.

I will not bore you with the details of how many hours I've worked or how many tragic meetings I've been in. I've just been busy. But there is one situation I will detail:

For the last two weeks, I have gone out of my way, bent over backwards and taken great pains to keep secret a great mistake of a coworker. I have tried everything I could to keep from exposing the mistake, hoping that she would come forward and accept responsibility. She has been given every opportunity to do so. However, she did not and what has resulted is a situation where the company will now owe a large sum of money to a supplier to cover expenses for the mistake. Her superior is refusing to cover those and at whose feet do they now fall? Mine. She messed up. I tried to cover for her. When the situation grew so bad that I needed to tell her boss, the boss did not take the time to have a one on one meeting as I requested so that I could explain. The boss wrote the whole thing off as a miscommunication on my part because mistake-maker took no responsibility.

There is no way to sum this whole story up in a few words suitable for a blog but if I tried they would go something like this:

I tried to do something nice. I got screwed. Such is life. People suck. Amen.

These are the days when I wonder why I live in Texas

2008-07-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

Dallas

Today
Jul 28

Mostly Sunny

105°/78°

Tue
Jul 29

Partly Cloudy

102°/78°

Wed
Jul 30

Partly Cloudy

102°/79°

Thu
Jul 31

Mostly Sunny

102°/79°

Fri
Aug 01

Partly Cloudy

102°/78°

Sat
Aug 02

Mostly Sunny

101°/77°

Sun
Aug 03

Mostly Sunny

101°/78°

Mon
Aug 04

Mostly Sunny

99°/78°

Tue
Aug 05

Sunny

100°/77°

Wed
Aug 06

Partly Cloudy

98°/76°

For the Fahrenheit impaired:

Today Jul 28	Mostly Sunny	41°/26°
Tue Jul 29	Partly Cloudy	39°/26°
Wed Jul 30	Partly Cloudy	39°/26°
Thu Jul 31	Mostly Sunny	39°/26°
Fri Aug 01	Partly Cloudy	39°/26°
Sat Aug 02	Mostly Sunny	38°/25°
Sun Aug 03	Mostly Sunny	38°/26°
Mon Aug 04	Mostly Sunny	37°/26°
Tue Aug 05	Sunny	38°/25°
Wed Aug 06	Partly Cloudy	37°/24°

Back to School

2008-05-23T03:29:00.000-07:00

This video was apparently made as a school project. If you can end up with results like this, I want to take the class:

One of my absolute favorite Spoon songs, Finer Feelings.

I have been working part time on a video about the robots that deliver my mail at work. I may never finish it. I find working with video so limiting. Anyone know of some great video editing software that I should try?

I'm back.

2008-05-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

The roof of the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Hangzhou is covered with marbles.

Hundreds of thousands of marbles.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Nu-job-ugh

2008-04-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

I don't even have time to read blogs anymore.

Maybe things will be better when I get back from Asia.

I finally get to leave next week after many delays.

But soon I will be back here:
And that will make me very happy.

Speaking of which, how about a Happy Friday tune from the Queen of Cantopop

Faye Wong
Jiang ai

Song for a Happy Friday

2008-04-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

Of all things, it's.....

Coldplay
Speed of Sound

Yeah I know. Odd choice. But, when I stop and really listen, I love this song. Years after its release (of course I could not listen back then- they're too big) it still registers well with me.

Plus, another reason for my current interest, I am planning a return to the piano after a 20 year respite. At least now I know for certain that I will never be forced to play in church again.

In case you're interested here are the lyrics:

How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide?
Before I know what it feels like?
Where To, where do I go?
If you never try, then you'll never know.
How long do I have to climb,
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?

Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light.
Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get,
is a chance you seize.
How long am I gonna stand,
with my head stuck under the sand?
I'll start before I can stop,
before I see things the right way up.

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand.

Ideas that you'll never find,
All the inventors could never design.
The buildings that you put up,
Japan and China all lit up.
The sign that I couldn't read,
or a light that I couldn't see,
some things you have to believe,
but others are puzzles, puzzling me.

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
ah when you see it then you'll understand.

All those signs, I knew what they meant.
Some things you can invent.
Some get made, and some get sent,
Ooh--
Birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
Oh, when you see it then you'll understand.

Office Talk

2008-04-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

The banal clichés used in offices have always gotten on my freakin' nerves.

New Job has exposed me to several that I had not heard before. I wonder if they are specific to this company?

Note
All emails are referred to as notes as in "I sent you a note about this yesterday" or "I just got a note from Bob confirming that he received a note from Betty yesterday."

Opportunity
The mandatory company-wide positive attitude causes most everyone to refer to any problem, oversight or major fuck up as an "opportunity." Example: "We have a strong opportunity in the domestic linens" meaning the ones we have don't sell worth a shit.

Drive, Driving, the Driver
The verb and objects derived from "drive" are taken as equivalents to "taking responsibility" or "responsible party" as in, "Homo Ono is the driver for this half-assed blog."

Own, Owning, the Owner
Much the same as "driver" above, this is used to signify who to blame when things go badly.

Does that make sense?
This phrase is used in such a condescending manner it might as well be followed with "you fucking idiot." People who are explaining things that they feel are obvious to someone who is either unaware or disbelieving will pause and ask "Does that make sense" in order to get a positive reply. Then they proceed as if they have presented a compelling argument for their point of view.

Yet none of these compare to the offensive way that a former co-worker used "white board" as a verb. Example: "This problem is so complicated, we really need to white board it out"- meaning, we need to diagram the situation on the erasable board in his office. The echo of those words will follow me to my grave.

Song for a Happy Friday

2008-04-04T03:11:00.000-07:00

Okkervil River
For Real

Song for a Happy Friday

2008-03-28T04:16:00.000-07:00

Wax Tailor
Positively Inclined

Cannibalistic

2008-03-27T19:42:00.001-07:00

Serving up fresh flesh for the children. It's a heart warming scene.

Home

2008-03-25T17:55:00.001-07:00

So I went home for the weekend.

I have a relationship with this place that I may never fully understand.

It is where I'm from.

But sometimes I'd rather not feel so connected to a place where I know I'll never live again. On those acres, generation after generation of my family lived their lives but that ends with me.

If I felt no connection, if I felt no love, it would be easier to walk away. But I do love it.

While there, I always feel a strange struggle between decay and life, permanence and impermanence, past and present.

What once was a giant forest became a field of cotton, then milo, then soybeans and then, became a forest again. Only to be wiped away

by the jaws of angry insect creatures of steel.

And all of this living and dying has occurred during my life while I was away thinking all things there remained constant.

But these cycles extend far beyond my life. Trees became lumber, lumber became structures, structures became rot and rot nurtured trees.

And as all these things happen, the human emotions seem to linger like ghosts haunting these places- like the pride someone must have felt when this silo was complete.

I still feel it. I still see it. In the precisely laid horizontals and finely mitered corners, there are emotions. Human emotions.

And now as it decays, as it turns into something unintended, it seems at peace with its surroundings. They all become one.

Song for a Happy Friday

2008-03-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

LCD Soundsystem
"North American Scum"

Since I'll be flying over said continent tomorrow, I'm posting early.

And for those of you
Who still think we're from England
We're not.
No.

St. Patrick's Day

2008-03-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

On your way in, please kiss my thermometer.

It's Irish.

Songs for a Happy Friday

2008-03-14T04:09:00.000-07:00

Imitosis- Andrew Bird

It's a good thing I didn't buy this on vinyl because I would have worn a hole through it by now.

And oddly, someone has set one of my favorite Andrew Bird songs, Tables and Chairs, to a tour of a video game called Shadowrun. ~~Odd because it fits.~~ On second thought, no it doesn't. It is all way too solitary and glum for that song. There will be snacks after all.

Edited to correct mistakes of all kinds.

Letters

2008-03-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Dallas Drivers,
I know the signs along the tollway that read "Yield to Ramp" are confusing. Many of you seem to think these mean that you should yield to the ramp itself. It's a logical conclusion. And, if any ramp should decide to get up and move around, I would recommend yielding. However, the sign actually means yield to the traffic coming off the ramp. I hope that you ~~stupid morons~~ fellow citizens will try this next time.
Thank you.

Dear Co-Workers,
I know you love your jobs dearly and wake up in the morning yearning to get back to your desk. When the time spent driving to the office is viewed as simply time that could be spent in meetings or answering emails, it is hard not to want to get back to your cubicle asap. But, there are 5000 of us who work in the same building. Given the American propensity to car pool, that means that 5200 cars are entering our parking deck at about the same time each morning. When you speed through the stop signs in the deck you are endangering me and could possibly keep me from getting to my desk. And that would be unbearable for me. So, would you please, SLOW YOUR ASS DOWN.
Best regards.

Dear Lady Driving the Silver Chevy Citation at the Dry Cleaners on Lomo Alto today,
I'm not sure why you cut through that parking lot today. I'm not sure why you almost rammed into my parked car while doing so. I'm not sure why you sat at the parking lot exit when there was no traffic keeping you from leaving. I'm certainly not sure why you suddenly decided to put your car in reverse and slam into my front bumper as I waited behind you. I'm not sure why you did any of those things. However, I would like to point out to you that when one rams into someone else's car, they generally should make sure they did no damage and seek to find the owner. When you simply drove away, I felt rejected. As I followed you down Lemmon Ave. and discovered that the final destination of your desperate, erratic journey was the McDonald's drive-thru, I got a clue as to why you did all of those things above. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. And I have your license plate number.
Much Love,
Homo Ono

Audio Slideshow: Campus reacts to Carson's death - University

2008-03-11T04:38:00.000-07:00

Audio Slideshow: Campus reacts to Carson's death - University

It is still so hard to believe this happened at my alma mater, that idyllic place, memories of which come to mind every single day.

Song for a Happy Friday

2008-03-07T03:35:00.001-08:00

Most people who know me know of my obsessive love for The Hidden Cameras. I just wish I had more chances to see them play live. When I saw them in Atlanta last year, I spent the entire night pressed to the stage bouncing with a giant grin on my face. But Joel Gibb, the absolute genius who heads the band, lives in Berlin now so their US tours are far too rare.

Oh god

2008-03-06T03:36:00.000-08:00

All debates about the existence of god or higher powers can now end.

We have the answer.

And the answer was found in a litter box.

Options

2008-03-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

18 Months Ago: The company I worked for announced they were closing the NY office.

17 Months Ago: All executives in the NY office were offered a move to the new office or a generous severance package. I chose the latter.

16 Months Ago: I negotiated a better severance package by agreeing to help set up the new office on a temporary basis.

14 Months Ago: I stopped working.

14 Months Ago: I began to enjoy 12 months of essentially full pay and benefits w/o working.

1 Month Ago: I started my new job.

1 Week Ago: The old company declared bankruptcy. Everyone will be let go. No one is getting any severance this time.

How do I feel?

Option #1: Lucky
Option #2: Grateful
Option #2: Guilty

~~Guess which option I have chosen.~~

I've chosen option #2.

Song for a Happy Friday

2008-02-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

This morning, as I drive up the Tollway on my way to toil away the day, I'll be listening to this, loudly...

Wave to me!

Via

2008-02-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

Via The Other Andrew via Apartment Therapy I happened to kris's color stripes a blog of color analysis that is absolutely fantastic. That's a lot more vias than I'm used to but this blog is right down my alley.

Bravo Kris! I love it!

Kris is taking photographs and breaking them down into color samples and the resulting combos are fantastic. Here are some examples of what is posted there:

The combinations with grey at the beginning are exactly what I have been in meetings discussing for the last two weeks.

See it all here.

Favorites

2008-02-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

My favorite thing about living in Dallas-
The Grackles
Quiscalus mexicanus

My new favorite toy-

Which is capable, btw, of much better video than the one above. I posted that just for the sound. My favorite thing about the Grackles- their loud obnoxiousness. They make themselves impossible to ignore. I like that in a bird.

Update

2008-02-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

After the 3 1/2 hour meeting this afternoon, which was filled with much debate, we are now united in saying:

Grey is the new brown.

You heard it here first.

My Agenda for February 20

2008-02-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

8:30-12:30: "Cycle Time Reduction Training"- A 4 hour meeting on how to be more efficient with my time.

12:30-1:30: Lunch

1:30-5:00: "Plotting Expectations for the Color Marketing and Trend Meeting"- A 3 1/2 hour meeting to discuss our expectations for another meeting- which runs from 9-5 on Thursday.

NO LIE.
This is my actual calendar.

To quote a dear friend, "They seem to have confused activity with action."

While gardening...

2008-02-19T18:24:00.000-08:00

...I'll be wearing my fashionable Bug Stopper top and bottom.

To quote the catalog- "Keep pesky bugs from biting while you enjoy your gardening with this easy-on bug netting that protects your arms, face and body."

(BTW, no, I'm not a transsexual nor do I have an extra forearm and hand dangling from my elbow. This is just what happens when a catalog depicts men as bottoms and women as tops. Quite simply put, it's not God's way.)

Spring Planting

2008-02-19T03:57:00.000-08:00

Something about this type of idealized catalog illustration has always fascinated me.

But I guess that was the intent.

Now I'm supposed to buy the stuff.

Boxed

2008-02-17T15:25:00.000-08:00

That's where I've been for the last few days.

Inside a box of ever decreasing dimensions. Sealed tightly.

The new job has returned me to old habits of self doubt and loathing. Yet one therapy session today (the first in months) has returned a bit of more rational thought.

Therapist recommended anti-anxiety medication for the first time today. This makes me very anxious. No one has ever suggested medication before.

Have I gotten worse?

She proposed it as a way for me to experience the difference. She wondered if I truly felt what being relatively anxiety free felt like then I would more readily recognize stress and then be more apt to deal with it-- rather than wallow in it. She recommended it as a temporary experiment of sorts. I guess I have a tendency to not recognize the twisted mess I put myself in on a daily basis.

If any of my 6 blog readers have any experience with this I would love to hear about it. What has worked for you?

My Geese

2008-02-09T15:25:00.001-08:00

Today was such a lovely, warm day here!

My geese were able to remove their winter gear...

...and head out for a round of golf.

Later in the afternoon they enjoyed a cookout in the backyard.

The pool was open!

And friends dropped by for a game of touch football.

They're very excited about the holiday next week and have their outfits all ready.

Who knows? Maybe this Valentine's Day will lead to the altar?

(And upon said altar they shall be set ablaze and melted into unrecognizable hunks of plastic.)

Letter

2008-02-06T19:29:00.001-08:00

Dear Shark,

You have been jumped.

Love,
Project Runway

Products of Convenience

2008-02-06T18:33:00.000-08:00

I'm not one for toilet humor but...

...thank GOD someone finally came up with this! Using two hands to change the roll is simply unbearable.

And another miracle of product design...
Here is the text supporting this product:

"Self-adhesive handle installs in seconds to any toilet, allowing you to lift or lower the seat without touching it. Easy to use and easy to keep clean, it helps protect hands from toilet seat germs."

Excuse me? Is it easier to use and keep clean than that toilet seat itself? Does the beautiful scalloped edge keep germs at bay? And who Photoshopped that blue water onto the picture? Sorry, but they should be fired. It's not even remotely the right shape.

Apparently, this particular company thinks their customer base includes complete germaphobes as well as germ lovers. How else could you explain this:

Close up please.
That's right. For all you folks who are worried about germs being able to cling to the slick surface of your toilet seat, this new acrylic/poly knit cover will give them the extra traction they need. For those who can't find this item for sale in your area, you might consider just winding yarn around your toilet seat.

In other news,
I thought Jesus was a carpenter? Or maybe they're suggesting we crucify the police and firemen? Not sure.

Do I read too much into things?

2008-01-25T22:07:00.001-08:00

I wonder sometimes.

When I see this:
I want to know what it is saying. Is it a product for people who love their toilet seat so much they want to smother it with kisses? Or, is this a product for people who love their family and friends so much they want to say, "I'd love to kiss your ass"?

When I see this:
I hear Santa saying, "Hey kids! Want some candy? Well just reach inside my pants! There are lots of tasty treats under my belt buckle!"

Am I ill?

And, when I see this:

I wonder... where are the stores that sell condoms for use on site? And, was the market crying out for a store that sold condoms with the additional freedom of using them wherever you please? Was there a dark day long ago when condom purchasers were forced to use the condoms before leaving the shop? Were they recycled or something?

These are the things I ponder.

5 days after the party...

2008-01-25T21:53:00.003-08:00

The daisy remains despite having been on fire at one point. However, the tulips had to be removed. To quote Nina, they had become "aesthetically not pleasing."

Not moving

2008-01-25T21:53:00.001-08:00

Not moving?

2008-01-13T21:26:00.001-08:00

Well, it appears I may not be moving after all. Better offer here? The last few days have been an absolute whirlwind. Too much to even attempt to detail now. Only problem with the job here is that my potential boss is so incredibly beautiful I may have problems listening to anything he says. This happened in the interview. When asked a particular question about Eastern European sourcing, I might as well have discussed the beauty of apparently poreless olive brown skin or the glimpse of a Hindi tattoo peeking through a shirt sleeve.

Onwards.

Slam the Dance - Whomp the Garland

2008-01-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

The glitter fest continues and I am growing sick of it all but there have been some good moments. One of the best was when a sassy coworker in Atlanta said to me, "Excuse my language but you whomped the hell out of that garland." It's nice to know that I can still whomp a garland when necessary.

Today I whomped the hell out of an upside down Christmas tree suspended from the ceiling. It required that I stare directly into the downward stream of glitter and sequins dispensed by fake white glitter pine that sheds freely.

At the top of a ten foot ladder, with glitter and other crap falling down on me, I remembered the first time I did something like that. It was around 1992 and I was in the Atlanta mart. The showroom manager there (who has become a second mother to me) said that she could not believe "...that a slam dancer could make something so pretty." Why was I known as a slam dancer? Not sure. Did I slam dance? Yes. But on any regular basis? No. Just when out seeing a band that prompted it. I guess I dressed the part. Black corduroy jeans, Comet Tavern shirt, brown and black flannel coat and doc martins (all of which are still in my closet btw) but that was fashion more than lifestyle.

Speaking of going out, I went out in the gayborhood this weekend. I ended up at the horrible dance place. Not the one that has the mix of straights and gays and where the average age is about 24. The other one. Around the corner. Where the average age is higher, the air is thicker with smoke, but the crowd does the same thing. They take off their shirts and they dance, dance, dance. I did not. Slam or otherwise. I just hate the music. I can't dance to music I hate. It renders immobility. And when the crowd let out a whoop for an ABBA song and I actually heard someone scream "It's ABBA!" I moaned. Why does anyone get excited for an ABBA song? Hasn't everyone on the planet had ample opportunity to hear, dance and sing to ABBA by now?

At that moment I could not decide:

1. Am I just too old and jaded for this scene?
2. Am I just too cynical for this scene?
3. Does this bar just especially suck?
4. Why can't I just come here and have fun with abandon like all the other revelers?
5. But then again, hasn't it always been this way for me?

As gay as I am, I have never liked the "gay dance bar" -- mostly because of the music-- but there were other reasons as well. And even though I am far too old to still be working out issues like this, I wonder, why did that scene never appeal to me? Couldn't I just put my musical taste aside for the evening and experience the energy of the place?

That certainly didn't work the time I tried the Black and Blue Ball in Montreal. Drugs were the only answer to make that experience enjoyable. It was so incredibly boring to me.

I still giggle when I hear thumbing bass from my neighbor upstairs as he prepares for an evening out. He'll play some sort of Beyonce remix. I was never that. I guess I was never really a slam dancer either.

The only question that is really important to me now is- after all these years, why haven't I found all the other gay men like me? I remember when I used to find them at "The Bar" in the East Village. But that place is now a roach invested Coyote Ugly wannabe. Where have they all gone?

Restart the Insanity!

2007-12-31T21:51:00.000-08:00

Susan Powter has an announcement;

Mango, brown rice, blackeyed peas, voodoo and gigabytes

cont'd

As Susan says, Happy Bloody New Year.

Wish Book

2007-12-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

Around this time of year, when I was about 10, I remember sitting in class at my new school and seeing two fellow students excitedly passing a paper back and forth and putting check marks on it. They were discussing the things that they wanted for Christmas that year. The paper they were passing was a cheaply printed circular from Family Dollar. Filled with off-brand merchandise and garish in color, the newsprint crinkled in their busy hands. I watched the excitement in their eyes and heard it in their voices as they discussed all the offerings to be had. I remember the sad faces of malformed reindeer make of flocked plastic and the giant electric snowmen to be placed in the yard, the molded dolls- of similar size if not exactly Barbie, the "GIANT CHRISTMAS STOCKING-OVER 4 FEET LONG!!" full of hard candy and plastic toys easily broken and most especially I remember the small chairs made of foam and fake fur with eyes and a smile.

I went home that day and hid the dog-eared Wish Book under a sofa, careful not to open it and reveal the pages inside. I went to my room and I cried, without knowing exactly why.

I can't believe it but...

2007-12-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

I just received a mass Christmas Greeting/Year-End Update from a former coworker. She included 6 photos of the aftermath of a botched colonoscopy she had earlier this year. WTF? I would post them here but I think they may be too disturbing.

Merry Christmas to you too!

Plain Ol' Plano

2007-12-15T20:45:00.000-08:00

Have I told you how much I hate Wal-Mart? Have I told you about the vendors that I know who have been driven into bankruptcy by them? Have I told you about my encounters with their buyers in Asia? No? Well, we'll leave all that for another day.

Yesterday, I went to Wal-Mart. I was already in the neighborhood (Plano) doing some Christmas shopping and I decided to pop in for a moment to check on one particular section.

Remember the announcements that were made with great fanfare about Wal-Mart making some upgrades to their product lines and displays in a few particular target markets? They opened a new store in Plano last year and have used that store to test upgrades to the product lines as well as the interior finishes and even the exterior building materials. Because of my line of work, I was particularly interested in all the noise made about their new home decor section that was to rival Target and maybe even Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, etc. To that I said, "Yeah, right." But the majority of the press was not as skeptical as me.

MSNBC said "Wal-Mart turns attention to upscale shoppers"
Forbes said: "Wal-Mart Goes Upscale"
USAToday said "Wal-Mart turns attention to upscale shopper"
BusinessWeek said "Wal-Mart Fishes Upstream"
CBS News said "Wal-Mart Targeting Upscale Shoppers"
DSN Retailing Today touted the new store in "The Plano Truth about the Future of Cheap Chic"

It was a huge deal in the industry. Every trade magazine did a story about it. But so few in the industry (and apparently in the press) ever took the time to visit the store and see what all the hype was about. If they had done so, they would have found very little there other than hype.

At the time of the opening of the experimental new store in Plano, I was working in New York. But as soon as I could, I went to this "ground-breaking" new store and was flabbergasted by what I saw. The new home decor section that was supposed to be so revolutionary contained the most pedestrian of decor items clearly sold to the company by small, desperate importers based in the US. The items were poorly designed, poorly merchandised, poorly displayed, poorly coordinated... End-caps had been chopped into 3 foot display sections- this was revolutionary? Didn't Target first do that like 10 years ago? I was underwhelmed.

Then in a reversal, Wal-Mart began to pull back on these advances and the International Herald-Tribune said "Wal-Mart's new strategy goes back to basics: Saving money." The Plano store was to retain it's unique sections but their expansion to other locations would be scaled back. Clearly this had not been the money maker that Wal-Mart expected. The special sections are still there and contain a different mix of merchandise. They still use this store to test items in all departments. You see many items there for only a week or two then they are gone for good. Or you see items there for months and months with bright red sale stickers which seem unable to entice buyers.

So back to yesterday, I went to the much ballyhooed home decor section and snapped a couple of photos for all of you who are unable to see this ground breaking prototype in your area. I know you will be jealous.There it is, in all it's glory. The home decor section that was so "revolutinary." This is the section that DSN said "bears the badge of radical retailing primarily because of how it symbolizes the quantum leap that Wal-Mart has made over the last two years in its ongoing crusade to become a more fashionable retailer." Radical retailing? Quantum leap?

The aisles are a bit wider and the end-cap shelves are new, so are the display boards behind the shelves where you would normally see prices in huge font and the smiley face. But, "radical?"

The end caps are telling the three main color stories for the season. I know this is new for Wal-Mart. They have never been color or theme driven. I guess this is a big step for them. This season they are featuring: Black/White, Traditional Red/Green and Burgundy/Gold. Not exactly ground breaking. Let's look at the individual displays.

Black and White

So they have a white tree with a single red ornament placed randomly about 8 feet above ground and the tree is surrounded by the same old acrylic table pieces that have been retailed by so many stores over the last 8 years. (In fact, Wal-Mart has driven everyone else out of that acrylic business because they have driven the prices so low. Meanwhile the manufacturer of those items is forced to front the cost of every mold himself. They can run from $40,000-75,000 each.) But back to the display, the backdrop has been wrapped as a present including bow. And a white garland has been taped (with tape visible) around the edge of the shelf. Do you see the "quantum leap" now?

Red/Green

The red and green section features the beautiful "wrapped package" backdrop, randomly placed bead garland and a large hollow resin Santa. And what about the product?

Here is the merchandise described as "trend-right"- some stuffed bears, cookie tins, Santa hats and candy filled plastic canes- all of which were available in K-Mart circa 1972 (and before.) And that snow and the random bows! I don't think I need to say anything else about those.

Burgundy/Gold

The burgundy and gold section again features the "wrapped present" backdrop but this time it is accented by graceful sweeps of wrinkled tablecloths taped (!) to the fixture. And the merchandise? All the shelves were filled with the same cherub adorned tin buckets full of soap and body lotion. I'm not sure if the poinsettia is there as decor or stock.

I don't expect to go into a Wal-Mart and be blown away by their product design. They don't design anything except their plan-o-grams. They rely on vendors to design their product. They don't develop items. They expect their vendors to assume all those costs.

I don't expect to go into a Wal-Mart and be blown away by their product displays. There really is only so much one can do with 127 jars of pickles.

What I do expect is a full retraction from all those industry press people who fell all over themselves breathlessly reporting on how this Plano store was going to revolutionize retailing, how Wal-Mart was going to lead the way in design, etc., etc. They should have known better. You don't revolutionize product design without investment and Wal-Mart seems completely unwilling to do that. They are so price-driven they probably never will. You don't puts some shelves on an end-cap and claim to have made your stores upscale.

To quote DSN again-
"...even if it takes these upscale offerings several years before they 'pass the Plano test' and begin showing up in regular Wal-Mart stores, the mold is already cast for the future of fashion at mass retail. For anyone who competes with Wal-Mart, it means fashion may no longer be the most meaningful point of differentiation."

I think a correction should be printed. The differentiation is definitely still meaningful.

Afterall, the other retailer whose market share Wal-Mart was after, Target, had Tord Boontje do their in-store decorations last year.

Compare this to the other photos. I think it sums the situation up nicely.

(Sorry about the poor quality of the photos. I was using my cameraphone (never buy the Blackjack) and I was moving in haste. I didn't want to get caught by the Wal-Mart people. But frankly, I am not sure if better photography was warranted.)

A Song for a Happy Friday

2007-12-14T07:39:00.000-08:00

(And quite possibly my favorite pop single of the year)
Phantom Limb
by The Shins

Thursday is Santa Lucia Day

2007-12-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

What's not to love about a holiday when virgins walk around with fire on their heads...

In case you are not familiar with this holiday, watch this video for a little background info.

It includes some words of warning from Gene Simmons (from the legendary rock band KISS) who is now spokesperson for Friends Of Fire Fighters (F-OFF).

Here comes the glitter....

2007-12-09T08:10:00.001-08:00

Last week I was approached by a wholesaler and asked to help with their showroom design for the upcoming January shows. I don't do this kind of thing very often anymore. After spending the better part of the 1990's in merchandise marts around the country, I thought I had closed that chapter in my life. But I have been a man of leisure for about 12 months now. No job, no work. Only traveling, writing, art projects, cleaning and recleaning the apartment, an occasional project in Washington and Bravo marathons. It is about time that I reenter the working class. I accepted the contract for their two biggest showrooms only (Dallas and Atlanta.) That will occupy all of my time for the next 5 weeks or more.

As I was considering taking the gig, the one huge negative that almost convinced me to refuse the offer was glitter....

No, not that kind of glitter.

This kind:
Photo from j-a-n on flickr

This particular wholesaler is known for very high end Christmas decorations sold to major department stores and gift shops around the country but almost everything they sell is coated with glitter.

I hate glitter.

Don't get me wrong. I own some glitter accented things as evidenced by the foam trees in the previous post. But mostly they are just accented with a little glitter. Like the fine lines of glitter on these ornaments on my white tree:

But this particular wholesaler sells things that are coated with thick layers of glitter. Laser glitter. Chunky glitter. Every color. Every size.

Glitter, glitter, glitter.

This photo is not from the same company but you get the idea.

The last time I worked for this company, I found glitter in my house and car for months. There are still flakes of glitter embedded in the gear shift of car to this day. I found glitter in my wallet and the pockets of every garment I wore during those weeks. I walked around with a constant application of what appeared to be glitter eyeshadow.

When I would come home and remove my clothes, I would find that the glitter had somehow gotten down my pants and my ass looked something like this:

(The one on the right but pale and less pert.)
Photo from stinkface on flickr

And the shit is next to impossible to remove. Water only causes it to adhere more closely to the skin. The only option is to dry brush or vacuum it away.

I'll try to see if I can chronicle the glitter horrors here but I am not sure if photos will do justice to this plague I am about to endure.

A Song for a Happy Friday

2007-12-07T06:48:00.000-08:00

The Maccabees
"Toothpaste Kisses"
via zefrank

Christmas

2007-12-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

One tree is up.

The elves are climbing through their foam tree forest.

Must be time for Christmas.

A Color Lesson

2007-12-01T06:47:00.000-08:00

(As taught by Georgetown, Washington D.C.)

Crimson

Chartreuse

Amber

Non-Ideal Homes

2007-11-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

Over the last few months, I have been planning to move. The destination has changed several times and still is uncertain. Each time I think I know where I am going, I research apartments in the new location.

During these searches I have run across photos posted by real estate agents that baffle me. Do they really expect to rent places that look like this?

Here is a selection of some of the non-ideal homes available for rent:

This lovely apartment features an ample master suite with lovely views of the neighborhood...

...and a sleek, minimalist kitchen.

This apartment features a bedroom with TONS of storage
(if you're willing to just throw your crap around anywhere.)

This lovely bedroom gets beautiful morning light and is large enough for you to enjoy a cozy breakfast in the corner served on a cardboard box.

This apartment features a lovely country kitchen conveniently located in the foyer.

Relax in your beautiful new spa bath complete with bucket!

Experience the convenience of this eat-in, shit-in kitchen!

I can't wait to move.....

2007-11-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

...especially after this engaging tour. Check out those guns.

Angie, watch out... I just might be moving to Philly. Updates soon.

2007-11-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

Blackwater Stocking Stuffers

2007-11-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, you can buy Blackwater posters in time for Christmas gift giving!!!

Please visit the Blackwater ProShop

Happy Halloween

2007-10-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

Lanvin 3

2007-10-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes gloves can just make an outfit.

Lanvin 2

2007-10-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

Ms. Helen Roper storms the runway.

Lanvin: The show everyone is talking about.

2007-10-10T16:19:00.001-07:00

Here are my thoughts:

Reading

2007-09-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

I finally bought The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I look forward to reading it later.

I'm glad I don't have a Britney Pool

2007-09-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

...and I don't like her when she "looks homeless."

Video removed by management.

Need I say more?

2007-09-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was sick of seeing this. Therefore it is gone.

2007-08-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

I hate blogging.

But I like reading blogs.

2007-07-13T22:00:00.001-07:00

Tom Boonen won the stage today.

And I am very excited.

Maybe not that excited.

But very excited.

I don't have any idea why I am such a big fan of Big Tom.
But I am.

Maybe I need to see a doctor about this.

All I know is that I am happy.
And so is he.

2007-07-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

I'm Bootz.

I'm back.

And you can kiss my ass.

2007-05-23T06:06:00.001-07:00

rumblings of something new?

maybe