Sunday, December 09, 2007

Here comes the glitter....

Last week I was approached by a wholesaler and asked to help with their showroom design for the upcoming January shows. I don't do this kind of thing very often anymore. After spending the better part of the 1990's in merchandise marts around the country, I thought I had closed that chapter in my life. But I have been a man of leisure for about 12 months now. No job, no work. Only traveling, writing, art projects, cleaning and recleaning the apartment, an occasional project in Washington and Bravo marathons. It is about time that I reenter the working class. I accepted the contract for their two biggest showrooms only (Dallas and Atlanta.) That will occupy all of my time for the next 5 weeks or more.

As I was considering taking the gig, the one huge negative that almost convinced me to refuse the offer was glitter....

No, not that kind of glitter.

This kind:
Photo from j-a-n on flickr

This particular wholesaler is known for very high end Christmas decorations sold to major department stores and gift shops around the country but almost everything they sell is coated with glitter.

I hate glitter.

Don't get me wrong. I own some glitter accented things as evidenced by the foam trees in the previous post. But mostly they are just accented with a little glitter. Like the fine lines of glitter on these ornaments on my white tree:

But this particular wholesaler sells things that are coated with thick layers of glitter. Laser glitter. Chunky glitter. Every color. Every size.

Glitter, glitter, glitter.

This photo is not from the same company but you get the idea.

The last time I worked for this company, I found glitter in my house and car for months. There are still flakes of glitter embedded in the gear shift of car to this day. I found glitter in my wallet and the pockets of every garment I wore during those weeks. I walked around with a constant application of what appeared to be glitter eyeshadow.

When I would come home and remove my clothes, I would find that the glitter had somehow gotten down my pants and my ass looked something like this:
(The one on the right but pale and less pert.)
Photo from stinkface on flickr

And the shit is next to impossible to remove. Water only causes it to adhere more closely to the skin. The only option is to dry brush or vacuum it away.

I'll try to see if I can chronicle the glitter horrors here but I am not sure if photos will do justice to this plague I am about to endure.


Elizabeth said...

Oh the ineradicable horror that is glitter. Every parent that has ever thought what a cute idea it would be to make our own holiday ornaments knows that the bottle gets, inevitably, dumped, and then there's no stopping the stuff. It's Christmas all year round in our carpets! My sympathies.

Homo Ono said...

Thanks Elizabeth. I am glad to hear that others understand!!

mrpeenee said...

I say embrace the glitter! Sparkle every moment! Glue it on your teeth! People will think you are a drag queen waiting to erupt, but who cares about their small minded concerns, who cares? You know you're dazzling inside, why not out?

jason said...

But think of how pretty your lungs must look!

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