Sunday, February 17, 2008


That's where I've been for the last few days.

Inside a box of ever decreasing dimensions. Sealed tightly.

The new job has returned me to old habits of self doubt and loathing. Yet one therapy session today (the first in months) has returned a bit of more rational thought.

Therapist recommended anti-anxiety medication for the first time today. This makes me very anxious. No one has ever suggested medication before.

Have I gotten worse?

She proposed it as a way for me to experience the difference. She wondered if I truly felt what being relatively anxiety free felt like then I would more readily recognize stress and then be more apt to deal with it-- rather than wallow in it. She recommended it as a temporary experiment of sorts. I guess I have a tendency to not recognize the twisted mess I put myself in on a daily basis.

If any of my 6 blog readers have any experience with this I would love to hear about it. What has worked for you?


brandy101 said...

I suffered tragic loss in 2005; my Doc recommended a SMALL dose of xanax (1/4 mg) every 4 hours as needed. It really helped "take the edge off" without making me feel "drugged."

Any more than that and I do get a bit sleepy.

You also have to be careful with it and any of the benzo's b/c they can be habit-forming.

But a small dose for use at times of stress/anxiety seems to work really well for me. I also use it w. bad PMS-type irritability (although I know you don't have to deal with THAT issue!)

Make sure not to drink any alcohol if using an anti-anxiety med.

Take care!

rr said...

May I recommend this quotation posted by a blogger I read?

(Duh... of course I can, I just did!)

Homo Ono said...

Sincere thanks for the comments.

@Brandy101- It's the habit forming thing that bothers me the most about this prospect. I know myself to be pretty prone to habitual behavior.

@rr- Thanks for the quote. I'm printing it out and taking it to work with me tomorrow. So very true and so very much what I need to be reminded of.

Therapist (who knows all about Scotland and A) said to me, "You've stopped meditating haven't you?" And of course she was exactly right. Haven't since early January. Now if I could just apply my habitual tendencies towards the cushion....