Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Dear Dallas Drivers,
I know the signs along the tollway that read "Yield to Ramp" are confusing. Many of you seem to think these mean that you should yield to the ramp itself. It's a logical conclusion. And, if any ramp should decide to get up and move around, I would recommend yielding. However, the sign actually means yield to the traffic coming off the ramp. I hope that you stupid morons fellow citizens will try this next time.
Thank you.

Dear Co-Workers,
I know you love your jobs dearly and wake up in the morning yearning to get back to your desk. When the time spent driving to the office is viewed as simply time that could be spent in meetings or answering emails, it is hard not to want to get back to your cubicle asap. But, there are 5000 of us who work in the same building. Given the American propensity to car pool, that means that 5200 cars are entering our parking deck at about the same time each morning. When you speed through the stop signs in the deck you are endangering me and could possibly keep me from getting to my desk. And that would be unbearable for me. So, would you please, SLOW YOUR ASS DOWN.
Best regards.

Dear Lady Driving the Silver Chevy Citation at the Dry Cleaners on Lomo Alto today,
I'm not sure why you cut through that parking lot today. I'm not sure why you almost rammed into my parked car while doing so. I'm not sure why you sat at the parking lot exit when there was no traffic keeping you from leaving. I'm certainly not sure why you suddenly decided to put your car in reverse and slam into my front bumper as I waited behind you. I'm not sure why you did any of those things. However, I would like to point out to you that when one rams into someone else's car, they generally should make sure they did no damage and seek to find the owner. When you simply drove away, I felt rejected. As I followed you down Lemmon Ave. and discovered that the final destination of your desperate, erratic journey was the McDonald's drive-thru, I got a clue as to why you did all of those things above. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. And I have your license plate number.
Much Love,
Homo Ono

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